Mikes EXCELent adventure...

April 25th 2007

Arrive at Heathrow late evening and pop onto the tube. Big mistake, somewhere around Hammersmith the train gets swamped with blue clad Chelsea supporters all foul of breath.

Many of the buggars drunkenly mistake my luggage for prime seating and I quickly assert my Canadian dominance with a few quick sharp words…

I am tired and not to be trifled with. Arrive very late and am forced to order a pizza at the bar (Customhouse Hotel) It is the spiciest slice I have ever ingested. It causes me problems for the rest of the weekend but lets move past that, please. Catch a few winks and am up early the next morning. Spend most of the day prowling the Docklands trying to find a decent cup of joe which I am desperate for. As the lads are not arriving for load in until late afternoon, I decide to waylay my jetlag with a few winks. Good thing I did coz I did not realize my alloutguitar contract stipulated so much manual labour….

Thursday April 26th – Load in day

While waiting for the lads, I meet a really nice chap Dudley Ross who is slated to be a performer at the Vigier guitar booth. Young and impressionable, he seems overwhelmed and just a tad nervous about what lays ahead.

Around 4:00 PM I finally lay eyes on Owen Edwards, bedecked in jeans and cowboy boots. Hair tied back with forehead aching precision and he is bespectacled as well. I need to look twice coz he sure don’t look like the flowing locked dude in his picture! Owen assures me it is really him and wants to immediately check out the booth location and size since alloutguitar was so f*cked over last year.

His worst suspicions are confirmed… The booth is a full 4 to 6 feet shorter than required and is at the end of a cramped aisle, hardly ideal. Because the boys are a little late we are then required to cart much of the gear and Nick Andrew’s rig a few kilometers from the furthest possible access point in the underground garage. Manual labour! And I thought he was the president of Mexico.. The booth situation does not get resolved putting Owen into an even fouler mood with the realization that we will all have to show up extra early the next morning to get things set up in time. We repair to the lad’s hotel (Crowne Plaza) for some grub and a few pints. I charmingly inform the lads my hotel costs roughly half theirs and I am in fact closer to the venue than they are.

Friday April 27th: Day 1

Keeping my promise, I arrive at the booth bright and early, just before 9 AM…. Not a soul. I make the rounds and see that pretty much everybody else is ready to go and we ain’t even started setting up. Hell we don’t even know where our final booth location is! I meet up with Dudley again, seemingly less nervous and finally get to see the lovely Vigier Excalibur in his gig bag. Back to the booth, where I meet young Mark Robinson. The first of three such occasions when we arrive well ahead of the others, we are keeners. I meet a lovely Welsh chap Rob Williams who makes the most beautiful solid bodies imaginable at his home in the Welsh hills. I have a soft spot for Wales. Just bought a sprightly Welsh terrier back in Canada, always loved the Cardiff three piece Budgie and of course there is Catherine Zeta Jones… Michael Douglas is a very very lucky man. Andy Conroy and Owen arrive and we begin to sort out the booth mess.

Nick Andrew and the fine young jazz lad Ben McDonnell show up and we finally start to set up shop in a new large booth location within spitting distance of the bar excellent! We set up shop as best we can but we are missing the large posters and our logoed T-shirts. Rory Sullivan arrives in a nick of time with the poster backdrop we require and we paste everything up in a nick of time. The lads with the T-shirts (James Edwards and Phil the Governor) will not be arriving until the afternoon and so I am forced to continue wearing the Gary Moore T-shirt Owen so despises… Hmmm Gary or the actual T shirt, not quite sure. Guess he has been talking to Don Airey. The show opens and Nick and Ben offer up the first impromptu jazz jam of several they perform over the next day.. Nick appears to be quite pleased to have someone other than a balls to the wall rocker to converse with and jam. And young Ben is fully up to the task. He has jazz chops galore and a wicked chord vocabulary. I daresay, if I lived in London I would shell out for lessons from him, he is that good. We also quickly discover that our booth, while very large, is directly opposite a pair of slap happy Cort guitar demonstrators who seem hell bent on breaking the hall decibel record. The perform the same bland routine all weekend long ruining our booth front airspace (I am NOT into slap music, sorry).

At this point I repair to the hotel to meet up with Edward Box, my roomy for the next two nights. I want to get Ed installed and on scene ASAP as he is performing shortly after lunch. Ed arrives right on time, on pitch and on cue (a trait that also translates to his remarkable guitar talents as I will discover later). By the time we get back, we catch the last few tunes of Chris Francis’ set. Another remarkable talent is Chris. I have a hard time imagining how what I heard makes a match with the MOR rock junk of Gary Hughes and Ten hmmm.

Chris is a marvelous player. Wander around a bit and get my first glimpse of the monster Andy James in action at the nearby Licks Library booth. Holy feck, why do I bother trying to play at all!!! Andy quite simply has mastered it ALL. Shred technique and licks from hell and yet a melodic sense not unlike the wondrous Andy Timmons (I later discover Andy is a huge Andy fan).

Back to the booth to see Ed setting up for his first go. Holy feck!! Is that Uli Jon Roth at the Tronical booth? By Jesus it is,I quickly renew acquaintance with Uli who I met backstage at a gig in New York City in 2006.

What a class man, player and a true gentle spiritual soul. I point Uli out to Ed and ask him if he wants to meet him. Ed is scared shitless, primarily because he has chosen this, of all days to wear a Scorpions T shirt LOL… So now, poor Ed bedecked in Scorpions has to perform with Uli in earshot… talk about pressure. Ed performs superbly and I can immediately see why his playing so endeared him to the alloutguitar staff at last year’s event. Great songs, playing and performing attitude set him well above the standard for sure. First day is short and so at 5 we all head for the bar. Typical bar night, lots of beer and idle chatter and banter. I am sorely tempted to accost Nicko McBrain and say I am on a “Mission from ‘Arry” LMAO, I hold back. First real chance to chat with James and Phil…. James has a big crush on Canadian songbirds, particularly Amanda Marshall… Vim the rock god Belge strikes every pose known to mankind at the bar with his cool white shoes. He is a good player tho! We embark on the famous curry quest and actually get to bed at a reasonable hour.

Saturday April 27th 2007: Day Two

Seems like “Groundhog Day” I arrive early and am joined once again by young Mark who borrows a guitar from the affable Rob Williams for a quick tinkle. I can assure one and all after a sharing a hotel room, that even if Ed Box is a rock guitar God, he still performs all the other well known human bodily functions, defecates, farts, snores etc etc. He is sleeping in until 10, his usual wake up time. Highlights of this day are meeting Clarky the neo-classical demon and huge artistic Satriani fan Satriella (who so enjoys Ed Box’s playing that she buys BOTH of his CD’s single-handedly assuring another night of ale for Ed!!!!), Johnny Hiland and the hilarious Christophe Godin…

All monster players in their own styles (although I am convinced Christophe can do anything in any style he wants on a guitar. The evening is the party, a rather tepid affair to be honest, highlighted with some cool chat with Andy J. and of course Uli. We party till well after 3:00 AM Sunday morning, until the Crowne staff invoke the “attention please” command referenced in Ed Box’s notes. Coolest convo of the night: Phil Hilborne who Owen calls The “Guv’ner”. We are not really ready, but head to bed anyway.

Sunday April 28th 2007: Day Three

Guess who is first to the booth? Of course the same dynamic duo of Mike and Mark. The day is more of the same, rather uneventful actually. Everyone is just wishing for this to be over…. Great to see some old farts like myself walking around. The diminutive wizard Steve Howe, the portly and besuited Bernie Marsden and even Bruce Dickinson shows up… I pass Steve Vai in the hall and he totally ignores my greeting and strolls on by, what is with him anyway?

Wim gave me two thumbs up and a “rock on” shout! And he is the true God of these proceedings no? Anyway, people start checking out early so we say our tearful goodbyes and the core crew (Owen, Max, me Nick and Andy C are left to load out. We discover that the loading dock will be tied up for hours and so we are forced to once again make several 3 kilometer trips down into the depths of hell, the parking garage. The lads finally pull away around 6:30 and it is a done deal.

Monday April 29th

Tube ride into the city and Russell Square, where I will stay for the balance of my trip. I purchase an all day pass on the tour buses and spend 6 hours riding the streets of London (mostly Westminster to be really honest about it). Great idea for a first day in a huge place like London because you can scope out the areas where you might like to spend more time. I spend the rest of the day hiking through Soho, Carnaby street etc. I do a mini beer trail and have both lunch and dinner in quaint old pubs.

I sign up for a day tour of the Cotswolds and my ears really do need the quiet countryside break.I spend a lot of time shopping for my 14 year old daughter Alee… She has asked me to bring something home from Harrod’s. She would also like me to bring home a prince or two, she hears William is on the market again!!! I just missed seeing Kate Moss at the opening of her new clothing line at a boutique on Oxford!! She must have turned sideways coz i didn’t see her.. Alee will be pissed that I missed that photo-op, oh well.

Tuesday April 30th

Bus trip from Victoria Station to several quaint country towns in the Cotswolds, including but not limited to, Stow on The Wold (Smoke on the Water??) and ultimately finishing in dear old Stratford upon A, home of Willy the Shake… (second best poet in the UK after Philip Lynott). An excellent day with a marvelous lunch at a small town inn.

I even got to see the final resting place of the Ox, John Entwistle, another hero of mine. I almost shed a tear. Back home at the hotel room I opt for room service and pack for my flight on Wednesday morn. I shall miss the UK until my next trip. Thanks so much to Owen, Max, Andy C., Rory, Nick, Ben, Mark, Ed, James, Phil, Chris, Andy J.,. Uli and Clarky & Satriella for a wonderful visit full of mirth and braggadocio. Maybe next year?